my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
