I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
