It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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