I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
