the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
