the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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