why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
