sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize