Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want nice things and good sex
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
