His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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