Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
