I wannas sexs uuuuu
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
