Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
