the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
