Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
