before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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