So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
