I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
