4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
