I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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