I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
