I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
