Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
