if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need water and some morals
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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