oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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