he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
