you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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