Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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