Please, let me fuck your mom
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
