Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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