he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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