I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
