last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
