im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You've changed since you got that strap on
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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