the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
