you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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