Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
