why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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