So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
