oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
