I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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