She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to calm my uterus...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
