I wish I only lived at night.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
