I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
