hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Randomize
