Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
