Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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