Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
