Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
