Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
