Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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