I can text with my tongue
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
