do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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