Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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