I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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