When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
