So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
