I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
