On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
