at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
