her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
