maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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