Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
