Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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