oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize