i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
